She is...

Have you ever fallen in love before?

Have you ever fallen for someone, but not realized until after they were no longer a part of your life?

I think I've written before about the girl I met at camp a couple years ago who showed me what the woman I will marry if I get married will be like. At the time I was unwilling to pursue her. Mainly because she lives in North Carolina normally and is actually in Australia now, but I wish I had. I can't stop thinking of her. For some reason I decided to listen to this song by The Fray, I think it fits:

"She Is"

Do not get me wrong I cannot wait for you to come home
For now you're not here and I'm not there, it's like we're on our own
To figure it out, consider how to find a place to stand
Instead of walking away and instead of nowhere to land

This is gonna to break me clean in two
This is gonna to bring me close to you

She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted
She is everything I want that I never knew I needed
She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted
She is everything I want that I never knew I needed

It's all up in the air and we stand still to see what comes down
I don't know where it is, I don't know when, but I want you around
When it falls into place with you and I, we go from if to when
Your side and mine are both behind it's indication

This is gonna bring me clarity
This'll take the heart right out of me

She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted
She is everything I want that I never knew I needed
She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted
She is everything I want that I never knew I needed

This is gonna bring me to my knees
I just wanna hold you close to me

She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted
She is everything I want that I never knew I needed
She is everything I need that I never knew I wanted
She is everything I want that I never knew I needed

She is everything I needed
She is everything

When it don't come easy

Just saw this on a friends blog. Thought it was appropriate.


Justin McRoberts- When It Don't Come Easy

Back in black

So a friend of mine asked me today if I had a blog even though she already knew I did, but it got me thinking about how long it's been since I've written anything either in my blog or in my journal. I've missed it. I don't say that about a lot of things even some of my family and friends, but I've definitely missed writing. It helps me to think and process things and try to keep my head on straight. I haven't felt like I've had the time to write. In reality I did have time I was just not sure what to write about or thought I should spend my time doing something else. I've been going through s lot lately. Thinking about a lot of things. Most of I don't really understand, so it makes it really hard to talk about.

I've been thinking a lot about where I belong, partly because of my frustration with ACF and partly because of all the uncertainties that lie ahead. I don't really know where I belong. On talking about my struggles with ACF someone said to me you can't be asked to serve where you aren't being built up. Is that true? Just because we aren't being filled the way we want to or the way we expect does that give us the right to stop serving there? Is there a limit on the sacrifices we make to serve God? I would say no, but at the same time, in the bible when it talks about the body it talks how each part of the body serves different functions does that mean that we shouldn't even try to do some things? What does ut mean to be the hand or neck or spleen? What are their different roles? How do you know which one you are? How do you what your limit is. I feel like you can't know the limit of your service to God (if there is one) until you've already passed it.

One important realization that I've made is that I need other people. I need people in my life that I can serve. That I can make sacrifices for. Maybe that's why I care about Meredith so much. She has filled that role in my life right now as someone I can serve. Someone who needs me. Someone I make sacrifices for. It's been awesome to see how much I've grown over the past couple years. I've done things and made sacrifices that I wouldn't have even thought of doing a couple years ago. Mainly because I was afraid. I wasn't sure how people would react when I talked about God or offered to help them or give them something. I'm still not sure, but sometimes it's worth taking that risk. I'm a selfish giver. I think a lot of times I need to help people more than they actually need my help.