I haven't posted in awihle. Not because I haven't had anything to write about, but I've been struggling to find the time and the words to write. I just got back from spring break yesterday and it was really weird. I'm not entirely sure why I feel this way, but I do. I'm not going to write about eveything because that would take forever, but just some highlights.
Praying for safety especially for traveling has become something that we rarely think about, and even when we do think about it, we think (or at least I think) " sure. Sounds good. Whatever." It's not something that we are regularly concerned about. Well, on my way down to Mississippi I was in my first car accident!!! Surprise!!! The car spun out and rolled stopping with the passengers side on the ground and facing the oppostie direction we were travelling. I was in the passenger's seat. It was nothing short of a miracle that no one was hurt. Especially since two people didn't have seatbelts on, one of which was laying down. One cool thing about it was that my church back home was praying for safety right around the same time that the accident happened. A lot of times when we pray for things we typically think about it or pray about it the wrong, and when God answers prayer it's rarely what we expect it to be. When we pray for safety we typically are thinking that God will prevent accidents from happening. Even before the accident I have been really stuggling with trusting God with a lot of different circumstances and I prayed about it, and I feel that the car accident was an answer to prayer. If God can carry me through that then shouldn't I be able to trust him with money and school and relationships?
Moving on.
A couple weeks ago we had girls and guys nights at ACF, and Pete Horning came to speek with the guys. Part of what we talked about was doing ministry out of your comofort zone especially in the work place. That phrase, "stepping out of your comfort zone," has become annoying to me mainly becasue I everyone says it, but very few people actually do it, but it got me thinking about my comfort zone and ACF.
I don't belong at ACF. I struggle almost everyday with trying to feel like I belong with the people at ACF, but I don't and I know I don't. It's not really a question of my ministry. I definitely feel called to be a part of ACF's ministry to Penn State, but it's definitely way outside my comfort zone. I sometimes even feel jealous of people who fit in at ACF. A freshman who I've been hanging out a lot with (she actually is the one who was drving when the car crashed) has even said how much she feels welcomed by ACF and how impressed she is by that. That's something I've never experienced. There are individuals that I've felt comfortable around or that welcomed me, but in general I've never really felt welcomed by or a part of ACF. I've never had a spiritual mentor and nobody has ever really gone out of their way to include me. There was a period of time towards the end of freshman year when Jordan Egli would invite me to a lot of random things which was sweet, but it didn't last, and we don't really hang out at all anymore. Even the people I do spend time with or feel comfortable around, it's almost always me who calls them or invites them to things. Sometimes that really bothers me.
As far as eveything else, I really have no clue what's coming next. I don't really have plans for the summer, but I'll probably end up in State College hopefully with an internship or research position or just working part time. I don't even know if I'll take classes in the fall. I've been thinking about taking a semester off and working, but we'll see. That partly depends on whether I get the scholarships I need. One of my roomates said something that stuck with me. He said, "there are two kinds of greed. People who work to gets lots of money and buy lots of stuff and people who don't have a lot of money but think about it all the time." I don't have a lot of money and that needs to be addressed, but I struggle with thinking about it too much.
That's it for now.
Because of his grace and for his glory.
