Back in black

So a friend of mine asked me today if I had a blog even though she already knew I did, but it got me thinking about how long it's been since I've written anything either in my blog or in my journal. I've missed it. I don't say that about a lot of things even some of my family and friends, but I've definitely missed writing. It helps me to think and process things and try to keep my head on straight. I haven't felt like I've had the time to write. In reality I did have time I was just not sure what to write about or thought I should spend my time doing something else. I've been going through s lot lately. Thinking about a lot of things. Most of I don't really understand, so it makes it really hard to talk about.

I've been thinking a lot about where I belong, partly because of my frustration with ACF and partly because of all the uncertainties that lie ahead. I don't really know where I belong. On talking about my struggles with ACF someone said to me you can't be asked to serve where you aren't being built up. Is that true? Just because we aren't being filled the way we want to or the way we expect does that give us the right to stop serving there? Is there a limit on the sacrifices we make to serve God? I would say no, but at the same time, in the bible when it talks about the body it talks how each part of the body serves different functions does that mean that we shouldn't even try to do some things? What does ut mean to be the hand or neck or spleen? What are their different roles? How do you know which one you are? How do you what your limit is. I feel like you can't know the limit of your service to God (if there is one) until you've already passed it.

One important realization that I've made is that I need other people. I need people in my life that I can serve. That I can make sacrifices for. Maybe that's why I care about Meredith so much. She has filled that role in my life right now as someone I can serve. Someone who needs me. Someone I make sacrifices for. It's been awesome to see how much I've grown over the past couple years. I've done things and made sacrifices that I wouldn't have even thought of doing a couple years ago. Mainly because I was afraid. I wasn't sure how people would react when I talked about God or offered to help them or give them something. I'm still not sure, but sometimes it's worth taking that risk. I'm a selfish giver. I think a lot of times I need to help people more than they actually need my help.