So I leave for camp tomorrow which means I won't be able to write as often, and when I write it will probably be something about camp. I'm pumped to get back to camp. I didn't really want to leave, but I did.
After every meal while we're cleaning up and waiting to be dismissed there are a number of chants, songs, and games that begin in the dining hall at camp. My favorite is (of course) "We we get crunk for Jesus". Everybody at one table stands up, pounds on the table, and shouts "We we get crunk for Jesus" three times then asks "Do you get crunk for Jesus?" and passes it to the next table. Just so we're clear, the original definition of getting crunk is getting really excited and pumped up.
So why don't we get crunk for Jesus?
I have met a hand full of people who do, but most Christians aren't excited about their Lord and savior, or at least they don't show it. Why?
If we truly believe that the Bible is God's word and it really is holy then why aren't we excited to read it every chance we get?
If we have even the slightest idea of how far we've fallen, and know that we're still loved and forgiven then why aren't we bursting with joy and longing to tell everyone?
If we really believe that God is our father and He listens and talks with us then why do we hesitate when someone asks for a volunteer to pray?
If we really believe in God's grace and his power then why aren't we excited and ready to carry out his will, and be a part of his work?
I don't pretend have any answers. I just pose questions.
I recently watched the new Narnia movie "Prince Caspian", and probably the best part of that movie is when Lucy and Susan are talking and Susan asks "Why didn't I see Aslan (slash Jesus )?" and Lucy replies "Maybe you didn't really want to."
Do we really want to see Jesus in our lives?
There are a lot of questions to be asked, and a lot of them we may never know the answer to. All I know is I'm a child of God. Shouldn't that be enough?
Because of his grace and for his glory.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
I Thought I Had Died
Never thought that I could be anyone or anything,
Couldn't stand the rising of the sun,
But still I rose and walked the streets,
Too afraid to stop my heartbeat,
Even though I thought about it some,
All the things that used to be
So beautiful became empty,
And all I had was just the memory
I thought I had died, I was alone,
'Til you found me here and brought me back home
I thought I had died, was caught in the flood,
'Til you lifted me up, out of my grave and into the sun
Maybe I'm the only one,
But I wonder if it's everyone,
Pain is part of being born,
Hope is more than just a dream,
And love is more than anything,
And I believe in kingdom come,
Victims or victories,
I was blind but now I see,
The world was made for more than tragedy
I thought I had died, I was alone,
'Til you found me here and brought me back home
I thought I had died, was caught in the flood,
'Til you lifted me up, out of my grave and into the sun
Couldn't stand the rising of the sun,
But still I rose and walked the streets,
Too afraid to stop my heartbeat,
Even though I thought about it some,
All the things that used to be
So beautiful became empty,
And all I had was just the memory
I thought I had died, I was alone,
'Til you found me here and brought me back home
I thought I had died, was caught in the flood,
'Til you lifted me up, out of my grave and into the sun
Maybe I'm the only one,
But I wonder if it's everyone,
Pain is part of being born,
Hope is more than just a dream,
And love is more than anything,
And I believe in kingdom come,
Victims or victories,
I was blind but now I see,
The world was made for more than tragedy
I thought I had died, I was alone,
'Til you found me here and brought me back home
I thought I had died, was caught in the flood,
'Til you lifted me up, out of my grave and into the sun
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Graveyards with Grandma
It's been a unique weekend. Plenty of good things going on, some not good things, and some things that are just weird.
Friday night and Saturday I got to hang out with friends from school at Kate's house and Cedarpoint. It was awesome. The thing that I hate about summer is that I don't get to see people that much especially since I'm working at camp, but at the same time I love camp and wish I'd have stayed. I wish I could things at once. That way I could hang out with people and stuff and still be at camp. Sunday was pretty good too. I got to see some friends from home and play a game of softball. Then I went to my aunt and uncle's house to have dinner with them and my cousins and their babies.
Babies are so small. It's crazy. I look at myself and I'm like "there's no way I was that small", but I was. It's just weird to think about how much I've grown and changed. Sometimes I don't notice how much I've changed because it's been such a gradual process. Anyways on to what I really wanted to write about.
Friday afternoon I took my Grandmother out to her sister's, parents', and first husband's ( my grandfather's) graves to put flowers out. It took a while because they were at different cementaries, but I didn't mind. I like driving.
Anyways my grandmother continually surprises me. After visiting her sister's grave she says to me: "This may all seem pointless to you, but it means a lot to me." It wasn't the fact that it was her who said it, but I just wasn't expecting it. I wasn't bored, and I don't think I was acting like it was pointless because it's really not. While we do need to move on when we lose someone we shouldn't forget them or caste their memory aside.
Later in the day we stopped where a friend of her's lived the last time they talked which seemed to be several months if not a couple years. So I go up to the door and knock and ask for Jane Janey, and luckily she still lived there. She was so excited to see my grandmother. Even though we couldn't stay and talk just to see my grandmother was just a huge blessing to her.
A lot of times I lose sight of how much it means to be able to spend time with friends. It's always like well I'll see you later or talk to you soon. A lot of the time I lose that sense of importance. I don't cherish it. It's just something that will always be there. I lose the appreciation of that blessing, and here this 80 some year old lady with all kinds of problems can't even spend time with her friend, but is calling me a blessing for driving her there.
I don't really know what I'm saying, but I just felt like writing about it.
Because of his grace and for his glory.
Friday night and Saturday I got to hang out with friends from school at Kate's house and Cedarpoint. It was awesome. The thing that I hate about summer is that I don't get to see people that much especially since I'm working at camp, but at the same time I love camp and wish I'd have stayed. I wish I could things at once. That way I could hang out with people and stuff and still be at camp. Sunday was pretty good too. I got to see some friends from home and play a game of softball. Then I went to my aunt and uncle's house to have dinner with them and my cousins and their babies.
Babies are so small. It's crazy. I look at myself and I'm like "there's no way I was that small", but I was. It's just weird to think about how much I've grown and changed. Sometimes I don't notice how much I've changed because it's been such a gradual process. Anyways on to what I really wanted to write about.
Friday afternoon I took my Grandmother out to her sister's, parents', and first husband's ( my grandfather's) graves to put flowers out. It took a while because they were at different cementaries, but I didn't mind. I like driving.
Anyways my grandmother continually surprises me. After visiting her sister's grave she says to me: "This may all seem pointless to you, but it means a lot to me." It wasn't the fact that it was her who said it, but I just wasn't expecting it. I wasn't bored, and I don't think I was acting like it was pointless because it's really not. While we do need to move on when we lose someone we shouldn't forget them or caste their memory aside.
Later in the day we stopped where a friend of her's lived the last time they talked which seemed to be several months if not a couple years. So I go up to the door and knock and ask for Jane Janey, and luckily she still lived there. She was so excited to see my grandmother. Even though we couldn't stay and talk just to see my grandmother was just a huge blessing to her.
A lot of times I lose sight of how much it means to be able to spend time with friends. It's always like well I'll see you later or talk to you soon. A lot of the time I lose that sense of importance. I don't cherish it. It's just something that will always be there. I lose the appreciation of that blessing, and here this 80 some year old lady with all kinds of problems can't even spend time with her friend, but is calling me a blessing for driving her there.
I don't really know what I'm saying, but I just felt like writing about it.
Because of his grace and for his glory.
Open Coast
Stretched across this continent I'm home.
Boston to Los Angeles I'll roam.
I've fallen in love with each coast for a reason.
These reasons so rooted I can't choose between them.
No.
Pacific's coast is so open.
You ain't seen it's waters; you ain't seen the ocean.
I'm trying so hard here I can hardly keep up.
I'm breaking my back, but it's barely enough…for you.
Home is where the heart is,and my heart I gave to you.
Wherever you may lead I will follow suit.
Boston to Los Angeles I'll roam.
I've fallen in love with each coast for a reason.
These reasons so rooted I can't choose between them.
No.
Pacific's coast is so open.
You ain't seen it's waters; you ain't seen the ocean.
I'm trying so hard here I can hardly keep up.
I'm breaking my back, but it's barely enough…for you.
Home is where the heart is,and my heart I gave to you.
Wherever you may lead I will follow suit.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Oh snap, I love camp
For those of you who might not know, I'm working at Summer's Best Two Weeks again this summer, and I've already been at camp for a week.
The first week that counselors show up is called Ruddy week where all we do is start cleaning up camp and getting things ready for orientation and ultimately the campers.
I guess it's a combination of already having been there and the people that were there this past week, but I already feel more comfortable and closer to more people than I did last year. It was almost as hard for me to leave there as it was for me to leave Penn State.
You're killing me Spills.
Ruddy week is probably one of my favorite weeks at camp because you doing manual labor which is always fun for me, there aren't as many people there as any other time, so you really interact more with those people, and your evenings are basically free, so we get to hang out a lot together unlike when campers are around and we don't really hang out at all.
And of course after spending time at another place and getting close to a whole different group of people I'm even more confused about what I want than when I left Penn State. I'm just ridiculous. I'll go through this cycle pretty frequently of not knowing what I want because I want several different things each with their own upsides and downsides.
The one thing that I don't like about Ruddy week is that most of the people there will be working at the other camp, so I won't really see them as much over the summer. While I grow closer to the new people coming in that I'll be working with, and they grow closer to their people we'll grow farther apart.
Some people who worked that week aren't even going to be counselors, so I'm pretty curious to find out what God's purpose in putting them in my life for a week and maybe never again is.
It's legit. Too legit to quit.
The first week that counselors show up is called Ruddy week where all we do is start cleaning up camp and getting things ready for orientation and ultimately the campers.
I guess it's a combination of already having been there and the people that were there this past week, but I already feel more comfortable and closer to more people than I did last year. It was almost as hard for me to leave there as it was for me to leave Penn State.
You're killing me Spills.
Ruddy week is probably one of my favorite weeks at camp because you doing manual labor which is always fun for me, there aren't as many people there as any other time, so you really interact more with those people, and your evenings are basically free, so we get to hang out a lot together unlike when campers are around and we don't really hang out at all.
And of course after spending time at another place and getting close to a whole different group of people I'm even more confused about what I want than when I left Penn State. I'm just ridiculous. I'll go through this cycle pretty frequently of not knowing what I want because I want several different things each with their own upsides and downsides.
The one thing that I don't like about Ruddy week is that most of the people there will be working at the other camp, so I won't really see them as much over the summer. While I grow closer to the new people coming in that I'll be working with, and they grow closer to their people we'll grow farther apart.
Some people who worked that week aren't even going to be counselors, so I'm pretty curious to find out what God's purpose in putting them in my life for a week and maybe never again is.
It's legit. Too legit to quit.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Payback
I wasn't a bad kid.
At least I don't think so. I tried not to be a brat and I didn't get into too much trouble. I did have some anger issues which sometimes made things interesting, but I wasn't horrible. My parents might not agree though.
Even though I haven't always expressed it well I am extremely grateful for everything my parents have done for me. It's amazing how much they have sacrificed for me, and I want to repay them somehow. Part of how I will judge how successful I am is whether or not I will be able to take care of my parents when they're too old to do it themselves (which might not be too much longer, sorry had to do it).
Anyways, this week I've kinda had the opportunity to see what that might be like.
Sometime last week or so my mom feel and messed up a ligament in her right arm, and she had to get surgery. Her surgery was on Monday and so she hasn't been able to do much, not even make her own food or get drinks. On top of her not being able to use her right arm, her pain medication was making her sick, so she was even more incapacitated then any other normal surgery.
And since my dad works and my brother goes to school I've had to take care of her for a couple days. It wasn't bad. It's not like it's the first time I've had to take care of someone. After all I am a camp counselor, I've dealt with some pretty ridiculous and sick kids.
I'm excited for camp. I leave tomorrow. I miss my kids. I can't wait to have some of my own. Even with all the sacrifices I'll have to make. It'll be amazing.
Because of his grace and for his glory.
At least I don't think so. I tried not to be a brat and I didn't get into too much trouble. I did have some anger issues which sometimes made things interesting, but I wasn't horrible. My parents might not agree though.
Even though I haven't always expressed it well I am extremely grateful for everything my parents have done for me. It's amazing how much they have sacrificed for me, and I want to repay them somehow. Part of how I will judge how successful I am is whether or not I will be able to take care of my parents when they're too old to do it themselves (which might not be too much longer, sorry had to do it).
Anyways, this week I've kinda had the opportunity to see what that might be like.
Sometime last week or so my mom feel and messed up a ligament in her right arm, and she had to get surgery. Her surgery was on Monday and so she hasn't been able to do much, not even make her own food or get drinks. On top of her not being able to use her right arm, her pain medication was making her sick, so she was even more incapacitated then any other normal surgery.
And since my dad works and my brother goes to school I've had to take care of her for a couple days. It wasn't bad. It's not like it's the first time I've had to take care of someone. After all I am a camp counselor, I've dealt with some pretty ridiculous and sick kids.
I'm excited for camp. I leave tomorrow. I miss my kids. I can't wait to have some of my own. Even with all the sacrifices I'll have to make. It'll be amazing.
Because of his grace and for his glory.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Confession
Forgive me father for I have sinned.
I have sinned against my neighbors and I have sinned against you. I am so unworthy of your love. All I ever do is turn my back to you and spit in you face.
Forgive me father for I have coveted my neighbors relationships. Help to me to rely on you and be satisfied with your blessings.
Forgive me father for I have lied. Give me the mind of Christ, so that your truth will forever be on my lips.
Forgive me father for I have failed to love your children. Break my heart for what breaks yours.
Forgive me father for holding idols in my life. Show me your glory, so i can understand that you only are worthy of praise.
Forgive me father for I have lusted. Purify me and wash me clean, so I can reflect your love better.
Forgive me father for thinking that you are not strong enough. Break me down again, so you can reveal to me your strength.
Forgive me father for gossiping. Tame this evil in my mouth which I can not control and make it yours.
Forgive me father for thinking that I can do it on my own. Guide me and give me the wisdom to always turn to you.
Forgive me father for I have sinned.
Amen.
I hope you can forgive me too.
I have sinned against my neighbors and I have sinned against you. I am so unworthy of your love. All I ever do is turn my back to you and spit in you face.
Forgive me father for I have coveted my neighbors relationships. Help to me to rely on you and be satisfied with your blessings.
Forgive me father for I have lied. Give me the mind of Christ, so that your truth will forever be on my lips.
Forgive me father for I have failed to love your children. Break my heart for what breaks yours.
Forgive me father for holding idols in my life. Show me your glory, so i can understand that you only are worthy of praise.
Forgive me father for I have lusted. Purify me and wash me clean, so I can reflect your love better.
Forgive me father for thinking that you are not strong enough. Break me down again, so you can reveal to me your strength.
Forgive me father for gossiping. Tame this evil in my mouth which I can not control and make it yours.
Forgive me father for thinking that I can do it on my own. Guide me and give me the wisdom to always turn to you.
Forgive me father for I have sinned.
Amen.
I hope you can forgive me too.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
One thing
If there is only one thing that you could take away from this semester what would it be? a new friend? a difficult lesson? a great experience?
For me it would be the joy that I've found in being used.
Last year, through the summer, and into the beginning of this year was really difficult for me mainly because I felt worthless. I couldn't see how God was using me and honestly thought that he had cast me aside for a while.
Even over the summer, surrounded by kids and great opportunities to be effective for Christ I felt like I wasn't having an impact on anyone. I love little kids, but I really struggled with how to communicate my faith to them.
Anyways, God really worked on my heart during the fall semester, and showed me what he was doing and some things he had planned for me. He really opened my eyes to some awesome opportunities he's given to share my faith and encourage other Christians.
I've found the confidence in Christ from what he has done in my life that I felt like I was missing before. I've had conversations and done things that I know came from the Holy Spirit because there is know way I would have known what to say or what to do on my own.
It feels so good to be used.
Because of his grace and for his glory.
For me it would be the joy that I've found in being used.
Last year, through the summer, and into the beginning of this year was really difficult for me mainly because I felt worthless. I couldn't see how God was using me and honestly thought that he had cast me aside for a while.
Even over the summer, surrounded by kids and great opportunities to be effective for Christ I felt like I wasn't having an impact on anyone. I love little kids, but I really struggled with how to communicate my faith to them.
Anyways, God really worked on my heart during the fall semester, and showed me what he was doing and some things he had planned for me. He really opened my eyes to some awesome opportunities he's given to share my faith and encourage other Christians.
I've found the confidence in Christ from what he has done in my life that I felt like I was missing before. I've had conversations and done things that I know came from the Holy Spirit because there is know way I would have known what to say or what to do on my own.
It feels so good to be used.
Because of his grace and for his glory.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Goodbye
I'm not one for goodbyes. Partly because I usually don't miss people. I've never really missed my family or friends or anybody else for that matter.I'm not sure why, but I guess it's because I'm always looking forward to what God has in store for me next that I don't reflect on where I've been and the people that are no longer around.
Well this semester I said goodbye to more people than probably ever before, and some people I said goodbye to multiple times. Why? I don't know, but there are still a lot of people I wish I could have said goodbye to, but I didn't get the chance. Especially the seniors.
Last year was easier to leave because I didn't really know any of the seniors that well, but this year I did.
So this is my goodbye.
I probably won't miss you too much, but I'm sure I'll think of you every once in a while and miss you for a couple minutes.
Because of his grace and for his glory.
Well this semester I said goodbye to more people than probably ever before, and some people I said goodbye to multiple times. Why? I don't know, but there are still a lot of people I wish I could have said goodbye to, but I didn't get the chance. Especially the seniors.
Last year was easier to leave because I didn't really know any of the seniors that well, but this year I did.
So this is my goodbye.
I probably won't miss you too much, but I'm sure I'll think of you every once in a while and miss you for a couple minutes.
Because of his grace and for his glory.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
You set my toilet ablaze
So with finals approaching I feel even less inclined to do work than usual. Some of my friends either don't have finals or don't care, so they want to hang out which makes studying even more difficult, but this weekend was amazing. It was probably the best weekend before finals ever, so I thought I'd share some experiences and what I learned from the weekend.
1. Dance Parties.
While if given the choice between having a dance party and just hanging out with people most of the time I will choose hanging out, dance parties are still amazing. They are even more amazing when somebodies parents are there dancing and talking and truly enjoying themselves. Thank you Mr and Mrs Webb.
2. The right person
The right person can make any situation better, especially the right girl. Even if I feel really depressed and crappy, with the right people around me everything feels so much better, and I'm no longer worried or stressed out (at least for a little while).
3. Fun with chairs
While a normal chair may not be terribly exciting, if you light one on fire it can provide you with endless entertainment. Sitting in, jumping over, and walking on burning chairs never gets boring, and is totally worth the bad smelling burnt hairs afterwards.
4. It's never too late
No matter how old you are or how old you feel it's never too late to experience things you never got to do as a kid. Like riding those little merry go rounds in the mall or apparently Walmart.
5. I don't know what I want
There's more to it, but I'll just leave it at that.
6. I'm really excited for next year!!!!
Because of his grace and for his glory
1. Dance Parties.
While if given the choice between having a dance party and just hanging out with people most of the time I will choose hanging out, dance parties are still amazing. They are even more amazing when somebodies parents are there dancing and talking and truly enjoying themselves. Thank you Mr and Mrs Webb.
2. The right person
The right person can make any situation better, especially the right girl. Even if I feel really depressed and crappy, with the right people around me everything feels so much better, and I'm no longer worried or stressed out (at least for a little while).
3. Fun with chairs
While a normal chair may not be terribly exciting, if you light one on fire it can provide you with endless entertainment. Sitting in, jumping over, and walking on burning chairs never gets boring, and is totally worth the bad smelling burnt hairs afterwards.
4. It's never too late
No matter how old you are or how old you feel it's never too late to experience things you never got to do as a kid. Like riding those little merry go rounds in the mall or apparently Walmart.
5. I don't know what I want
There's more to it, but I'll just leave it at that.
6. I'm really excited for next year!!!!
Because of his grace and for his glory
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Everyone is sad
Everyone is sad
Everyone is scared
Everyone has been let down by now
Everyone is empty
Everyone’s bare as bone
Everyone questions all that is real,
But nobody’s answers seem to heal
Anything that hurts
Every time you close your eyes
Everything seems complicated
Nothing makes sense at all
Everyone seems so mistaken
Everyone wants to be whole
Everyone has danced
In their own masquerade
Dressing in smiles
To cover the shame
Everyone’s been broken
Too many times
Everyone wants some reasons why
Nothing seems right
And nobody cares at all
Everything seems complicated
Nothing makes sense at all
Everyone seems so mistaken
Everyone wants to be whole
We all want to live
Everyone has bled
Under their skin
You know we’ve all said
This can’t be the end
Everyone is scared
Everyone has been let down by now
Everyone is empty
Everyone’s bare as bone
Everyone questions all that is real,
But nobody’s answers seem to heal
Anything that hurts
Every time you close your eyes
Everything seems complicated
Nothing makes sense at all
Everyone seems so mistaken
Everyone wants to be whole
Everyone has danced
In their own masquerade
Dressing in smiles
To cover the shame
Everyone’s been broken
Too many times
Everyone wants some reasons why
Nothing seems right
And nobody cares at all
Everything seems complicated
Nothing makes sense at all
Everyone seems so mistaken
Everyone wants to be whole
We all want to live
Everyone has bled
Under their skin
You know we’ve all said
This can’t be the end
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