My legacy

How do you want to be remembered?

The past couple weeks on Sundays Pastor Aaron has been talking about David's legacy and what his life looked like, and what our legacies will be. No matter how ineffective or worthless we feel God is going to use us to affect other people either good or bad. And unfortunately some of those people will remember you.

I say it's unfortunate because a lot of times the person can just be a distraction. We look up to people and value other people so much that sometimes they take the place of Jesus. We try to live like them, thinking that they have it all together, and we desire to be like them.

If I affect someone else greatly, I don't want them to see me. I want them to see Jesus.

If someone thinks about a defining moment in their life and faith that I was a part of, I don't want them to remember me. I want them to remember Jesus.

Recently a couple people, some of which I barely know, have tried to encourage me by telling me how much I've affected their lives, but I didn't do anything, and the fact that they remember my involvement, to me, means I didn't do enough, I wasn't reflecting Jesus to them. I was just a distraction.

God doesn't need us to accomplish anything. He likes to include us to show us his glory and share in his joy, but so many times I just get in the way.

If people remember what I said and did and not my name or face, that's okay with me. Because it's the Spirit speaking and God working through me.

How do I want to be remember? What is my legacy?

I just want to be remembered as a tool longing to be used by God.

Because of his grace and for his glory.

Dreams

What do you want out of life?

Do you want to be rich?
Do you want to be famous?
Do you want to be safe?
Do you want to have it easy?

Those dreams are just too small for me.

Do you want to live for yourself?
Do you want to feel loved?
Do you want to be happy?
Do you just want to be better off than you are now?

Those dreams are too small for me.

Do you want all the glory?
Do you want to be noticed?
Do you want to be comfortable?
Do you want to be independent?

Those dreams are just too small for me.

Do you want to be broken?
Do you want to be used?
Do you want persecution?
Do you want to give it all up for someone else?

These dreams are meant for me.

The war starts Tuesday

So I recently found out that one of my favorite bands changed their name. They used to be Starting Tuesday and now they are The War. I don't really know why they changed their name, but I'm sure there's a story behind it.

I'm not sure which I like better. They didn't change their style too much. They remade one of their songs Satisfied and I definitely like the original version better.

Check them out. If you click on Starting Tuesday you'll go to their website and you can click on Music to hear clips of their songs, or I could let you borrow their CD. If you click The War you'll go to their myspace page where you can listen to their whole CD (only 5 songs).

They're both favorites.

My favorite song of theirs is also the first song I heard by them in Jamaica from someone from Maryland , and the band is from/in South Carolina. Go figure. The song is Armies and Nations:

We stand on top of the world
As if we're all gods casting lots for the nations
The stage is laden in red, the blood of our sons
Look what we've made of creation

Let it all fall down, let it all cave in
It's not till we're broken that we can begin
Let yourself go, let your fears show
It's not till we're open that love can come in

We stand on top of the world
And look at ourselves as if we're something to worship
We may be covered in gold
And shine like the sun
But soon enough we'll be naked

Let it all fall down, let it all cave in
It's not till we're broken that we can begin
Let yourself go, let your fears show
It's not till we're open that love can come in

What is salvation
Without armies and nations?
What is creation
Without armies and nations?
Tell me what is salvation
Without armies and nations?
And tell me what is creation
Without armies and nations?

Let it all fall down, let it all cave in
It's not till we're broken that we can begin
Let yourself go, let your fears show
It's not till we're open that love can come in

Home is just another word for His love

So my last post didn't really make sense.

I didn't really want it to. I started out just writing whatever and then the last part I thought about a little more and made it rhyme, but what I wrote has really been bugging me recently. I went through this last year too.

When we finally get close to the end of the semester, like when it starts getting nice out, I just want to leave. I guess I realize how long I've been here and feel like I need to get away.

I need change.

Whenever I'm in the same place for too long I need to escape and do something or be somewhere completely different. I don't really know why.

That might be partly why I loved Malawi so much and why I want to go overseas for a couple years.

It was just so different. I was in another country with a different language (yeah most people I interacted with knew English but still), a different culture, and with a group of people I didn't really know before the trip. The trip was awesome anyways but just the fact that I was in a completely new place, I was able to let go and escape everything.

The people I went with will tell you I was two different people in Africa and when we were together here. I don't know why, but I wish I could be like that and feel like I did there here. It felt like home

I don't really have a home.

Like I love my family and everything, but I wouldn't call Wexford my "home". I don't really feel like I belong there. Same with Penn State. I love it here, and I love ACF, but its not really home.

I don't think I'll ever feel like I'm at home until I get to heaven. Until I'm completely wrapped in God's arms and fully submerged in his love.

Hot chicks and hockey sticks

It's just been one of those days
Where I wish I was someone else
Because I hate who I am
I've just been here for far too long
I need to escape.

All I need is your love
Yet I constantly hide from you
All I want is to be with you
But I'd rather be alone
I have to escape.

Nobody wants me here
I don't belong in this place
Nobody will miss me here
I just want to see your face
You are my escape

Methylenedioxymethamphetamine

Have you ever had an experience and thought that that's what doing drugs feels like?

I did recently, and it was not expected.

I miss playing trumpet...a lot. I've started listening to jazz and swing again recently and every time I do I'm in such a state of ecstasy. Ask my roommate. He's been there for some of it.

The craziest times happen when I'm listening to Cherry Poppin' Daddies swing cd Zoot Suit Riot. Their trumpet player is so go, and every time he hits a sick note or a sweet lick I just... to be honest I don't think words could do what happens justice.

I don't really know where that feeling comes from. Like I loved playing trumpet, but I wasn't addicted to it or anything. I don't know. Maybe I was.

Just thought I'd share.

Girls&Guys&People

I don't understand people at all. I really don't. Some people have wondered as to why I've asked them a lot of questions as to why they do things or to explain more about what they think or do. I do that because I don't get people.

I just wish people would say what they think and not hold back, myself included. I've lost some of my best friends because they didn't tell me what was going on. I was just supposed to know. How am I supposed to know?

Do you want me to keep guessing random things until I stumble across the right one?

I can't read people in real life at all.
I can in poker, but when it comes to real situations and real thoughts I'm clueless.

Especially with girls.

Half the time I don't even know when I'm flirting. So if I'm overly flirtatious, and making you uncomfortable I'm sorry. It's not on purpose. I just do what I do.

I don't try to be clever or funny or smart or flirtatious or wise. It's just what happens, I just say whatever. Now, I don't always say everything on my mind because that would really complicate a lot of things, but I wish I could.

And I wish you could too, so why don't you just come right out and say it?

Because of his grace and for his glory.

Passion Play

As I think I've said before I love music.

Sometimes it puts things into words that I can't.

I started this blog to share my thoughts with people, so I thought why not share my music? In my own opinion I have a "unique" taste in music. I like mostly artists that nobody knows. I would be really surprised if anyone that I know has even heard of more than 2 or 3 of my favorite artists.


OK, so my favorite recently has been this guy William Fitzsimmons. He has purevolume and myspace profiles with some of his songs including my favorite Passion Play. To be honest, sometimes I'm not sure why I like the song. I just do.

I really like his style and how open and real he is. Give him a listen, and let me know what you think.



Passion Play:

I should not have hid where my heart can't follow
Cause this grace gets so far and too hard to swallow.
I've been running from Saul, he's been giving chase.
When I look in his eyes all I see is his face.

Are you still on my back after all these years?
Chasing me out of hell and my nice veneers.
I don't know how you stand when you've got no floor.
Or how you can breathe with your hands on boards.

I just want to be not what I am today
I just want to be better than my friends might say
I just want a small part in your passion play

Do you hear when I call in the midst of wrong?
Do you hear these here words when I sing this song?
Are you caught up in me like I heard you say?
Or just some big cashier that I'll have to pay?

I just want to be not what I am today
I just want to be better than my friends might say
I just want a small part in your passion play

Who am I?

So I've been wanting to write about this for awhile, but I didn't want to tell people before ACF officially announced it.

For those of you who don't know I was nominated for head trustee for next year.

For most people I think this wouldn't seem like a big deal. The trustees are pretty mysterious. Always hanging out in the back and quietly taking care of business. I doubt that very many people who aren't on leadership, trustee helpers, former trustees, or living with two of the six trustees could name them all.

But let's take a look at the past three head trustees:

C-Will
Kenny
Keith

All awesome leaders, manly men of God, and complete stud muffins. And to be completely honest I felt almost intimidated because of the shoes I have to fill. I kinda felt like Moses when God asked him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.

Who am I?

I was really surprised when Keith called me and told me about the nomination. I can easily name several people who would probably do a better job than me. So why me?

Who am I to lead these people?

I've always had a hard time understanding how other people see me. Especially when they talk about the potential I have. That's probably because most of the things I remember and think about myself have to do with me screwing up. It's sad. I've seen how God has changed me and worked in my life, but I also know I have a long way to go.

As I thought more about what it would mean to "replace" Keith as head trustee God reminded me of a lot of things, especially about how we are to act. I was reminded that I don't have to worry about trying to be like Keith or Kenny or C-Will, but we're all called to be like Jesus. OK so it's not exactly easy to be like Jesus, but I take comfort in the fact that I don't have to compare myself and how I handle my responsibilities to anyone else. I know I've said some of this before, but it's really meant a lot to me recently.

I'm excited to see what God has in store for me and all of Penn State. He's going to do things that you wouldn't believe even if you were told.

Because of his grace and for his glory.

Speach Impedement

Something that's been bothering me for awhile is my, along with other peoples, sense of humor.

A lot of things I've said and heard recently have been really inappropriate. Especially in Mississippi. And I question why we talk that way. Even if we are joking, why don't we hold ourselves to a higher standard.

I know most people don't always tell jokes like that or think like that, but even if we do it sometimes, that's straying far enough away from God for Satan to really do some damage.

How is telling a joke about sex or something else inappropriate glorifying to God at all?
Shouldn't the motivation for everything we do be to glorify God? All the time?

Shouldn't we have our hearts and minds on things above and not on dirty jokes? (Colossians 3:1-4)

And just because you don't tell the joke doesn't make you any better if you laugh at it,or even if we hold back laughter, but secretly think it's funny.
Why do we think some stuff like that is funny?

I don't know, but I am as guilty as anyone.

James talks about how the tongue is "a restless evil, full of deadly poison." And how we can not tame it. I can't tame my tongue, but I know God can, so why haven't I given that up to God?

How can I give my relationships to God, but not what I say? How can I give my plans to God but not what I think? How can I continually show the love of Christ with a worldly tongue?

Actions may speak louder than words, but if the two don't agree then does it really matter which one is louder?

Because of his grace and for his glory.

Christian walk?

I wonder who came up with that phrase.

The Christian walk.

I understand the premise of it and the idea behind it, but walking with Christ isn't good enough.

We need to run.

As for a lot of things that float around in my head I was reminded of this by a song. Run by Lecrae. It's not the greatest song, but it's got good lyrics.

Over the summer a friend of mine shared with me 1 Corinthians 9:24-27. I've heard it before, but he really helped open my eyes to what it meant.

This life is a race, and we are all pursuing the prize, Jesus, but people don't just run, they have to prepare themselves and train and build endurance. When we finally do enter the race we don't sprint then stop and rest. We don't walk. We don't cheat, and get disqualified. We run with everything we have.

That's one of the biggest problems with the church in America.

Too many people are just walking.
Myself included. God has been convicting me of this.

We need to pursue after Christ with everything we have, but at the same time pace ourselves and know our limits. We can't try to change the world all the time.

1 Corinthians isn't the only place where this race metaphor is used.

Jeremiah 12:5
Acts 20:22-24
Galatians 2:2
Galatians 5:7-9
2 Timothy 4:6-8

The main reason why I decided to write about this today was to remind myself, and hopefully people will keep me accountable.

"I want to cross the finish line of life throwing up all over myself."-Justin McRoberts

Because of his grace and for his glory

Expelled

Seems interesting.

http://www.expelledthemovie.com/video.php

Pride week

I was walking to Redifer to have lunch with a friend and I decided to cut through the HUB. No sooner do I walk through the doors then two guys walk up to each other and grab each others buttocks. Not the joking smack, but the lustful squeeze. Any other week I may have thought it bizarre, but not this week.



For those of you who don't know, this week is "Pride Week" at PSU.



This basically encourages some individuals to be more open about their homosexuality.



As usual around this time of year there are a series of opinion columns in The Collegian from homosexuals and Christians alike each one berating the last. While I did enjoy reading them most of what was said was pretty ridiculous.Especially what the Christians wrote. They all misquoted scripture or took passages out of context.



I just don't understand how people who claim to follow Jesus Christ can show such hate toward anybody. This is nothing new, Christians have been hating people for centuries.



Hate the sin not the person.



What better opportunity do we have to share the love of Christ with someone who isn't expecting it? What better way to break down stereotypes?

Jesus please force us out of our comfort zones and give us opportunities to show your love to the lost. Amen.

I hope you've heard this before, and you'll probably hear this again.

Because of his grace and for his glory.