Withdrawal

I'm a pessimist. I typically look at things in a negative even cynical way. Every once in awhile this gets me into trouble. Actually I go through bouts of depression pretty regularly. Especially around any type of holiday, like Christmas. It's not like I get depressed because I have a crappy family situation or no friends or anything. I just analyze and many times judge things and get depressed about what I see.

The reason sometimes it gets so bad is that I feed it. When I feel depressed or upset about something, I just withdraw more. It's not until I do something engaging with someone that I'm able to fight it off. Like a week ago I was feeling pretty down before, during, and right after the banquet at ACF, but once we got to the mount I started to feel a lot better about everything. I know how to fight feeling depressed, but I don't always do that. Why not?

I think part of us likes feeling miserable, if for no other reason because when we finally take comfort in something or are comforted it feels that much better. When the lows are really low the highs feel that much higher. But I also think, at least for myself, that I want to feel sorry for myself. I want to tell myself how bad I'm doing at everything, how I can never do anything right, so that I can sympathize with myself and justify how I'm feeling. I don't know. I'm just rambling now. I've said all I wanted to say.

"Anything Right"-P.O.D.

"So much to say so little time for me, to explain the way I feel
You only see, things the way you want to see them
It makes sense to you all these things you do
You’ve got it all figured out while everyone is confused
How do you do it?
In your mind I'm just blind
You're right all of the time
If I think for myself, I guess I'm way out of line
I'm not who you are
I'm so sorry


I can't do anything right
You don't know me, stay out of my life
Kick me while I'm down, I want you to
I can't be like you
Don't want to be like you

I can't do anything right
You don't know me, stay out of my life
Kick me while I'm down, I want you to
I can't be like you
Be like you

No matter what I do it's never good enough
I give all that is me; still it's never enough
So, why try? I give up.
What does it feel like to be in your shoes
And walk over everyone like you do?
Take me down again, I want you to.
You're lovely, so beautiful and
You're perfect in every way.
Your interior rusted and I'm so disgusted
Can't trust it. You're busted.


I can't do anything right
You don't know me, stay out of my life
Kick me while I'm down, I want you to
I can't be like you
Don't want to be like you

I can't do anything right
You don't know me, stay out of my life
Kick me while I'm down, I want you to
I can't be like you
Be like you

I can't do anything right

Is that it?"

Because of his grace and for his glory.