I can't do this anymore

I've been thinking a lot about my future. I thought I had a solid plan of what I would be doing the next couple years. I was going to get an internship next summer, graduate, go to Africa for a couple years then come back and find a job, but now that plan is out the window.

Being back at camp this past summer really instilled a desire and a calling to be back there next year which then messes up my plan for an internship and I might stay at school an extra semester, and then Africa has been heavy on my heart, so at this point it takes priority, so whenever I get over there could just completely change everything.

When I first began to realize that God had other plans in mind I was nervous and kind of upset. I thought my plans fitted perfectly, and that everything was going to work out, but now I have no clue what's next.

At camp we give competition talks to the kids and talk about how we integrate our faith into competition and things like that. God used one of the comp talks I gave to convict me and work on my heart. I find he does that a lot. When I talk and write and give advice I'm being convicted of my own short comings at the same time.

Anyways I talked about how I hate hearing kids saying "I can't " during competitions and activities and stuff. I said, " The way we play the game reflects on us, and what motivates us and what our focus is on. The way we play the game is a reflection on our parents and how we were raised. The way we play the game is a reflection on God, and when we say we can't what we're really saying is that God isn't enough. That the ability to walk and run that He's given us isn't enough. That his grace isn't enough. That Jesus isn't enough."

Now replace "the way we play the game" with "the way we live our lives." Now obviously just because we are Christians and God strengthens us doesn't mean we can do anything. I can't compete at an Olympic level, I can't run a marathon without training, but when we say we can't do something that God is calling us to do what we really say is we don't trust Him, that we don't think He is enough.

When God was changing my plans my first thought was "I can't." There are too many question marks, too many things up in the air, too many obstacles. I just don't want to try, but what I forgot was not my faith in God, but God's faith in me. He knows what I'm capable of better than anyone else. He knows how much I can take beyond my own thoughts. If God is calling me to something then He believes I can do it, and if He thinks I can even knowing all of my short comings and inadequacies shouldn't I be able to believe him and believe myself.

I hope this isn't new to you.

Because of his grace and for his glory.