Ready

So I wanted to write today, but for awhile I didn't know what to write about, but God let me know what to say.

I've kinda been at the point for a long time where I just can't do it anymore. I've literally had to let God carry me and take over just to get through the day. We should always live like this, but it is frustrating and tiring when you are unable to make it through one day.

For awhile it was keeping up with friends and schoolwork that really wore me out. Then I really struggled with some sin, and now it's just a combination of a lot of different things. The main thing being that I think way too much about everything.

Despite anything that goes on in my life God has always shown me how awesome he is and how much he takes care of me. Sometimes I think God likes to show off.

Anyways. I've kinda been feeling, to be honest since my senior year of high school, that I'm ready.

I'm ready to be done.
With everything.

If God were to call me home (to heaven) later today, I would have no regrets. A lot of times I feel like there is nothing left in life that I really want. I would like to father a child, but to be honest if that doesn't happen I won't be disappointed. I'm just tired of all the crap that life brings.

I'm tired. I'm ready to go home.

I don't really know how to put a lot of things in words. I think that's why I love music. Sometimes when I write in my journal that I don't want people to read (yes I have two journals. One I don't care if people read and one I do.) I just write and eventually it turns into a song. While I can't play guitar and I'm not very good at piano I know what it sounds like in my head. I've also decided that unless God tells me "Yo Nate, Go play music." you probably will never hear me perform my songs or anyone else's, but I'll save explaining that for later.

Anyways one of my favorite songs recently is "Always Guiding" by Elijah Wyman. It puts into words what I've been feeling and even how God responds to that.

So sometimes when I don't know what to say I'll just let a song speak for me.

Sweetest Jesus, I am so tired.

I want to close my eyes and wake up next to You.

I’m dreaming of those golden streets.

I’m dreaming of those pearly gates.

I’m dreaming of the harmonies we’ll sing.

Sweetest Jesus, I am so tired.

I want to close my eyes and wake up next to You.

You are my hope when I have given up,

and when I’ve given up on You,

You wait for me.

You’re always waiting.

You are my strength when I’ve no strength to stand,

and when I’m lost You hold my hand and guide me.

You’re always guiding.

Because of His grace and for His glory.